Quotes

"If I've learned anything from anime, it's this: 'Life sucks, then you die... then it gets interesting.'" --- Me

"Nocturnal Echo Locating Flying Mammal Man."

"What?"

"Batman."

- Adam and Jamey from Mythbusters

"KHAN!!"
-Captain Kirk

I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, "Bye everyone, I gotta go!" 6 bouncers picked me up and hurled me out of that bar like I was a Frisbee. Those big old New York bouncers that think that bouncing is cool. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. They go home at night and watch 'Road House' and fondle themselves "Patrick Swayze's hittin' another guy!". For wearing a hat. I walk into a bar and the bouncer comes over to me, real pissy, and goes, "Take off the hat!" I'm like, "What's the deal?" He goes, "I'll tell you what the deal is. Gay people in this area wear hats; we're tryin' to keep them out of our club!" Oh really? The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have their hair cut like, yours. And he got all pissed. Anyway, I took off the hat, and he walked away. About an hour later, I was drinking and I forgot. Ever forget? It happened to me. I put the hat on, and he comes back over. Now, I'm between 6-1 and 6-6 depending on which convenience store I'm leaving. I weigh 230 pounds, and this guy comes over, poking me in the shoulder. He says, "You're outta here!" and I said, "I don't think so, Scooter!" And I was wrong. They hurled me out of that bar. And then they squared off with me in the parking lot, and I backed down from the fight, cause I don't know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use. That's a handy little piece of information, right there. The police got called because we broke a chair on the way out, and I refused to pay for it. I refused to pay for it cause *we* broke it over *my* thigh. And at that point, I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. The cop was like, "Mr. White, you are being charged with drunk in public-KA!" I was like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I was drunk in a bar! They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public-KA! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!" He didn't arrest them, instead he had me do a field sobriety check, where you stand on one foot, raise the other foot 6 inches off the ground, and count to 30. I made it to "whoo!" Is that going to be close enough? It wasn't, so they called in for my arrest record ~Ron White Blue Collar Comedy Tour

"You have enemies?? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." ~Winston Churchill

I admit I'm being paid well, but it's no more than I deserve. After all, I've been screwed more times than a hooker.

-Sean Connery

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics." ~ Mark Twain.

Death is nature's way of saying, Your table's ready.
-Robin Williams

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
-Robin Williams

Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.
-Charlie Chaplin